10 Truths About Women + Money

We’ve been doing a lot of women-focused projects… and some interesting things have been coming up about their specific relationship with money in this day and age.

ONE

The disparity between men & women starts early, with data showing that boys receive 20% more pocket money than girls. Not only do girls receive less money from their families; they’re allowed less financial independence – which puts them behind from the get-go.

While they saw their male counterparts being encouraged to take risks and go out on a limb, women were encouraged to be prudent. As they grew up, this meant that they saw men being encouraged to make bolder decisions in terms of investments and spending. And now, as adults, many regret not having had the same encouragement (and support) to take more calculated and informed risk. While the men in their lives have robust IRAs and investment portfolios, women feel like they’re playing catch-up a decade late.

TWO

Men/boys are encouraged to experiment and play with their money – to invest & learn about it. Whereas girls – and therefore women – are taught to be conservative and save – to not be “crazy spenders”.

Financial messaging aimed at women often uses thinly-veiled tropes of women being “excessive spenders” and advises exercising austerity – to practice restraint, to control spending, to limit expenditures. Not entirely unlike dieting language…

While women shopping is culturally perceived as frivolous, men spending money represents an investment in themselves…a script which shapes women’s attitudes toward their own spending, even as gainfully employed, independent people.

THREE

Women suffer from stereotypes that they’re always shopping – and being frivolous with their money – but they’re also expected to spend on certain things, in order to uphold the appearance that society demands of them.

Many feel a sense of anguish or strife when it comes to spending. It’s a guilty feeling, when they feel they ought to be squirreling every penny away. Every non-essential purchase seems to come with a matching justification for why it’s okay.

This impulse to save (and guilt over spending) arises in direct opposition to societal scripts that dictate women should “take care of themselves:” get their hair done, look fashionable, stay fit, don’t let yourself go, show any signs of aging, or look frumpy…

…leaving women caught in a psychic dissonance about money, despite having more of it than ever.

FOUR

As women move up in the work force and become more financially successful, they’re struggling to find male partners who feel like true equals.

Many women in our studies are bringing in bigger salaries than their spouses, leading to tensions in the household … and a strange effect.

A new study has found that women actually take on more housework when they earn more than their partners because of a kind of “traditionalizing” effect.

And this, despite the fact that most men feel like they take on more domestic labor than they actually do…

FIVE

And those who do have partners are making a choice to not combine their finances like couples used to. They’re keeping their money in separate accounts, not by necessity, but by choice.

Not only does merging finances feel like a big step, it likewise feels like a step backwards for the women we talk to.

Much of their autonomy and feeling of self-actualization and freedom come from their sense of financial independence…which may be holding them back from financial interdependence.

SIX

Money represents control, stability, freedom, joy … and independence.

For the women we’ve spoken with, money is a key resource that allows them to feel like they are agents in their own lives.

Consistently contributing to 401Ks or IRAs means they’re prioritizing their futures and ensuring themselves a safety net.

It buys them the freedom to wait until they find a partner that truly matches them…rather than having to let financial realities dictate when and whom they choose to commit to.

Money allows them to invest in themselves and their people – be that through funding a well-earned vacation or treating a friend to a dinner out.

But most importantly, money represents true independence. It allows them the level of self-actualization they need to feel like they’re showing up in the world as they want to, not as they are forced to.

SEVEN

But the topic of money still feels quite taboo – and very few get any early education about it.

There’s very little direct advice on how to save, where to put money saved, how to think about funding an education, or setting themselves up for a decent adult future. As a result, many women spend their 20’s making unguided financial decisions, and their 30’s trying to make up for them.

In our work, the women we’ve talked to say they only anticipate reaching true financial maturity and freedom in their 40s.

EIGHT

As such, they face a lot of contradictory feelings and messages as adults:

• Enjoy the present – but don’t neglect the future!
• Invest in yourself – but don’t spend too much money doing it!
• Don’t talk about money – but know exactly what you’re doing.

NINE

Women are balancing impossible expectations of what they should be doing with their money, and feeling a lot of shame around their finances.

Women are much harder on themselves when it comes to money. There’s an immense amount of shame that they’re not doing it correctly. And they’re much more likely to self-flagellate if they feel like they’ve made a mistake … or they’re not as far along as they should be in terms of saving, or thinking about retirement.

The men we’ve spoken to, on the other hand, are much more confident that they’ll ‘bounce back’ from any mistakes or missteps, or things will ‘work themselves out.’

TEN

But they don’t know where to turn for help or counsel … as the world of banking & finances is even more behind the times than the rest of society.

Banks are seen as “the Man” – white, male, and old school … and they can often be patronizing, and not seen as helping women feel more empowered.

So: women today are at a bit of an impossible impasse – feeling like they should be much more knowledgeable about money and investing than they are, but not sure where to turn for the answers & advice they’re looking for.

-Eve Ejsmont & Megan Weisenberger