FUCK DIVORCE

41% of marriages end in divorce and last year around 800,000 people got divorced in America.

Kaitlyn was one of them. And it sucked and cost a lot of money; her accountant now describes her as the richest poor person he knows.

Hello Kaitlyn, firstly sorry to hear you got divorced. How was that experience?

Well at one level it’s the best thing I’ve done in years, but it was also one of the hardest and most disruptive things I’ve ever done in my life. My husband and I had grown apart and he met someone else, another parent from the school and they fell in love. I was away working a lot and the marriage just kind of died and that was the final straw.

At first it was actually quite amicable as we were both done, but then a few months later the lawyers got involved.

Why did lawyers become part of the process?

I am the breadwinner and he mostly stayed at home with the kids. We owned a business together and we were trying to work it out between us but he got some advice and then everything exploded.

What do you mean, exploded?

Apparently, according to his lawyers, I earn at least 5 times what I thought I did, so that was a shock. And then the business was worth five times as much as I thought it was too, and then I’m also a bad parent on top. You go from working it out between you to blind panic you’re going to lose everything and never see your kids.

There’s also a psychological edge to the process that lawyers leverage -on the days I’d pick up my son his lawyers would hand deliver bad news within 20 minutes. That would send me into a spiral and the time we had together would be ruined. They do everything they can to create friction and break you.

Did you get lawyers, too?

Yes, and you have to give them the money in advance and they charge you by the word in the email and the seconds on the phone. Some months my bills would be 15k, and you’re getting nowhere.

So what happened?

After months of this we were getting closer and closer to court (which my lawyers described as the scorched earth scenario, which was reassuring). Eventually I settled and took a hit on time with my son in return for not forcing my business to go bust. A decision I think I’m going to regret.

And what’s your financial situation now?

I live paycheck to paycheck and earn just under 300k a year. My son is in a private school, which I pay 95% of and I have to pay spousal and child support, meaning I am left with around 20% of my salary each month. I’ve had to cash in savings and stocks to have a place to live, the car has been returned and I live in a rental. My accountant thinks it’lll take a decade to recover, and I’m one of the lucky ones. At least I have some resources in reserve or I’d be struggling to pay my rent.

And what scares me more than anything is if my business fails there’s no means of changing the payments if my ex refuses to cooperate. I’ve learnt it’s not based on what I earn, it’s based on what I can and should earn. So there’s a possibility that if i can’t keep the payments up i end up in court and they take away my driving license, or passport or you can even go to prison.

I think people need to understand that you might be earning a lot but if you go through a divorce like mine you’re living the life of someone earning 50k a year (not nothing, but not a lot if you’re in LA where I live).

Would you get married again?

Fuck no.