The Gen Z Trad Wife
Estee is 24, about to get married to Conner, 22, lives in Virginia, has 30,000 followers on TikTok, and is a self-confessed “Trad Wife”.
We caught up with her to find out what being a Trad Wife means to her and learned there was more to it that meets the eye.
So what is a Trad Wife?
It’s a community, mostly online, of women who’ve adopted the role of a homemaker and espouse more traditional views about gender roles within marriage and relationships. For me, it’s a way of living a more simple life and achieving my personal goals of having a family and being a good wife and mother.
Did you grow up in a more traditional household?
Not at all. My fiancé and I both grew up in really busy, hectic homes. Both our parents got divorced and we witnessed our moms try and do everything, and it just didn’t look fun. No one seemed to be happy with the arrangement. So, I decided I didn’t want the “boss babe” life of juggling career and family, and not doing either very well.
My sister is a doctor and she definitely went a different direction to me.
A lot of women have to give up their careers when they have kids but I just knew from the start that I didn’t want to go through that experience. I wanted a more simple life.
How do people react to the way you’ve chosen to live your life?
Online I get a lot of negativity. I’ve been accused of being racist, because I adopt a 50s aesthetic. I’ve been accused of being privileged, despite the fact we’re not super rich at all; we just decided we’d rather have less stuff and live in a smaller house than have designer clothes.
Some people even think I’m being oppressed or abused (I’m not!).
In real life, none of my friends are Trad Wives and none of Conner’s friends are in this type of relationship either. Some of the moms are intrigued and I think the guys think my fiancé has taken on a lot of responsibility.
Was it hard to find a man who wanted a Trad Wife?
Yes it was. I didn’t think I’d find anyone who wanted this kind of relationship, but we fell in love and we discussed it and I was pretty surprised he wanted it, too. Most men our age expect joint incomes and joint responsibilities around the home. But it was more that I pitched the idea; my dream has always been to have a simple life and be a great mom and wife.
Why do you share your life online if the response is even slightly negative?
I want to show people that you can live differently. There’s value in traditions and taking a more simple approach to life. You don’t need to be a “boss babe” to be happy. You don’t have to work until you're exhausted and pay someone else to bring up your kids. I used to be a nanny and seeing how sad and tired parents were really made me never want to live that way.
And how does your fiancé feel about his role as a “Trad Husband”?
I don’t think he expected to be one but it works for us. We both have responsibilities and we understand our roles which I think is more than many couples do.
Do you think the label of Trad Wife is doing you a disservice?
Yes and no. We are more traditional; I dress in a 50s style (but then so do a lot of feminist hipsters). I like home cooking and play up to it online a little. But I think a lot of people are asking themselves, especially after the pandemic, what kind of life do I want? Do I want to work long hours and hustle to buy designer stuff I don’t need? Do I want to give my entire life to a career in tech just to get laid off a few years later? I think a lot of people are saying, “No, I want a life with more simplicity and less conflict.”
In some ways I think what we’re doing is actually quite progressive, but my online community is the Trad Wives and I’m happy with that.