How far would you go to protect your right for body autonomy?
At the height of the global pandemic many occupations experienced sweeping changes, none more so than in healthcare. We got the opportunity to talk to a nurse who faced an incredibly difficult decision where they had to choose between a career that they had worked hard to achieve and their own personal health.
J: What got you into nursing in the first place?
H: I had some family members get quite ill, with one after the other ending up in the hospital. I ended up spending a lot of time in hospitals and hospices during that time, and I felt oddly at home, it was very weird. I was like, Why does this feel so comfortable? That’s what started getting me interested in medicine, and then very soon after that, I decided to go into nursing. That’s when I slowly started the journey of going back into sciences. I retook first-year English and things like that. It was a long journey to get back into the four-year program.
J: How old were you when you made that decision?
H: I went to school for a couple of years before I actually got into the program. I did two or three years of part-time school to upgrade. For example, I had to take grade 11 Chemistry. That’s when I discovered that I could do science classes. So I thought, okay, if you just do it and apply yourself, it’s actually really interesting and made me feel good.
I graduated when I was 38, so I was older when I started my career. Additionally, when I graduated there was actually a hiring freeze and there weren’t a lot of nursing jobs. Our local health authority came to school and they told us to try going to other cities and coming back later, but I was able to land a role in Oncology to start and later transferred to Renal.
J: How long were you practicing nursing before COVID-19 hit?
H: For me, almost ten years.
J: Wow, so you had a pretty long career at that time. When the pandemic hit you were on the front lines. What was that like? What were your initial thoughts and feelings?
H: I was still working on the ward and teaching at the time. At first, I was like, what is this? What’s happening? I had no idea. Then it was the quietest I’ve ever seen the hospital. You could hear a pin drop on our unit. We were taking our breaks at night in hospital beds because there were beds, like spare beds that weren’t going to be filled. It was bizarre and very interesting. What was happening on the news versus what was actually happening was a very different experience for me.
Partially it was because people who were sick were scared to come to the hospital. I believe a lot of people ended up dying or becoming worse off because they weren’t coming into the hospital, which is bad. And the other thing was surgical floors were emptied, as all unnecessary emergency surgeries were cancelled. Then all of those surgical floors were open to medical patients as well.
So, yeah, it was very quiet and lovely, and that’s when people were banging the pots and pans in support of the medical practitioners. Those were the easiest days I’ve ever had in nursing, ever. I remember being really emotional at the beginning and then that changed.
J: What started to change?
H: During the pandemic, the policies were changing all the time.
I was working on a respiratory floor, and people began hiding N95 masks in a closet. There was a lot of hiding going on. Then all the PPE had to go to a central location to be dispersed. We would have to apply for PPE and it was only doled out on a case-by-case basis.
At one point we were sending N95s to a local university to be disinfected so we could reuse them. After we had been taught that you are not supposed to reuse any mask. You know, there is a proper technique for everything, it just felt like it was for show. Some practices didn’t make any logical sense.
F&F: When did you start really questioning things?
H: I started seeing things differently when the vaccines were rolled out.
J: What was your initial reaction to the vaccine mandate?
H: I am a data person, and I felt that this hasn’t been tested for long enough. I don’t know, it’s a new technology that hasn’t been used on humans before. That’s a red flag for me right away. There were a lot of people who were happy to sign up. Whereas, I’m like, No, I’m going to wait. At that time I could still voice my opinion at work and express my true thoughts and feelings. It wasn’t politicized at that time, and I wanted to wait. I want to see the data, and maybe in five, ten years, I’ll consider it. But for now, there is not enough data. We don’t know what the side effects are. There wasn’t sufficient trial data, I even went to review what other products Moderna produces. And it’s like, Oh, none. Another red flag.
Then I started hearing about people getting pericarditis and myocarditis. So those were the first things that I started hearing about at work. I saw reports of blood clots and some women’s menstruation were affected after the vaccine. I recognized those as side effects. There were so many red flags right from the beginning that it just didn’t feel like the right decision for me.
I wanted to believe that they were good. I really did. I wanted to believe they were going to get us out of this and have things go back to normal, not be in our bubbles anymore and be able to see other people besides my cats and my coworkers. I was open to it. I wanted to see it happen.
The first mandates came out for long-term care and sure enough, they actually fired the first round of people who decided not to get vaccinated. I thought this is so bizarre. There’s such a shortage of nurses.
Note: H shared this stat, but the link has been included by F&F
H: Then as more mandates started coming in and we’re hearing on the TV you need to protect your grandma. You need to get vaccinated. You need to do your part. These are safe and effective. All I could think is, these are slogans. This is propaganda, what’s happening? We’re hearing, trust your government, trust the science. I had a grandfather who went through the Holocaust, and the government isn’t always good.
My gut feeling was telling me this is not good.
So I called my doctor at the time who was only taking voice calls. I was expecting him to say, No, they are really safe, because the government said so, but he didn’t. He was probably an anomaly.
He gave a big sigh and he said, you know, I am following the data and people are getting injured. If you haven’t done this yet, you know, I commend you, and if you can not get it, don’t, because the data that’s coming out is not good.
Then it became full-on blanket political. When the mandates started rolling in for the hospitals I couldn’t talk about vaccines at work openly anymore. I started getting the cold shoulder from many of my coworkers. Since I had voiced that I was not going to get vaccinated they began treating me as if I was putting them in danger by being around them.
J: Were you scared?
H: It was very stressful as my first semester ever teaching occurred as the mandates were announced. When you teach you need to do the practicum as well as classrooms. As the mandates were coming, I was like, okay, I’m going to be pulled out of my practicum and then I’m going to lose my job. This is my career.
You know, I worked really hard to get here, I got almost a full scholarship near the end because of my grades. I tried really hard and I really loved it. It’s still super emotional for me.
Not only that, I couldn’t go to a restaurant or the gym. I was a pariah. People were scared to be around me because I didn’t have this injection. I was trapped in this place where if I spoke out, I could be ostracized.
Life has been crazy since.
J: Why do you think your colleagues who have studied medicine and have access to similar data felt differently from you?
H: The thing that happened is so many people got burnt out. Even people I knew said they were too burnt out to read the data and that we just needed to trust the government.
It felt like I was in a twilight zone.
J: You’ve had this career for a decade, and you worked really hard to get there. Not only were you practicing but you were also teaching, what happened following your decision?
H: It was a lot. In succession, I got fired from all my jobs. Even the school said they couldn’t have me back because I was unable to do the practicum in order to teach even though they were short on teachers. At this time I was receiving emails with messages like “Tell your nursing friends we really need teachers”. Then on the very first day of New Year’s 2022, very first working day, I got fired from the hospital via Zoom telling me I had two weeks to get vaccinated to be able to continue to work.
My original manager who had hired me, who loved me, was in the first meeting and I broke down and I bawled and everyone was lovely, but they all said, “Well, you have to get the vaccine.”
On the final call, my manager was on vacation and it was very, very cold. The person who let me go read from a script and told me I needed to return my things, and that I better not try to use my employee card at the hospital. Oh my God, it was terrible. I was depressed for like three months.
J: I’m really sorry this happened to you. Did you ever think it would impact your life so much?
H: I knew it was going to be impactful. I really never thought that vaccines would ever be mandated for people to go to restaurants or to keep their job. I never thought that was a possibility, ever. Then it happened.
I feel like I picked up the red flag and just ran.
J: Were there others around you that were making the same decision?
H: Not a lot, I would say most of my friends didn’t make the same decision. There’s been a divide ever since as well.
What helped bring me out of that deep sadness was meeting other nurses who were fired. There’s still a fairly large support group. Which has definitely helped me and other nursing friends.
Some people are waking up now, but there’s definitely been a divide. There are also people that never want to talk about it anymore because they’re really burnt out. They just want to talk about music and the weather.
Then there are people that share my point of view and have chosen to step away. With them, we talk about how we are going to survive this. Because it’s only getting crazier, now that they are making it illegal in B.C. with Bill 36.
“Personally, I’d like to get it out of politics and back into caring about humanity.”
-H
F&F Note: BC’s Bill 36’s most controversial changes are switching from doctor-elected boards to provincially elected boards that oversee decisions in medical practices. Allowing politics to govern the medical field. Additionally, mandatory vaccinations for healthcare professionals are being implemented. This essentially removes personal medical autonomy from healthcare practitioners in the province.
J: You’re not only going against institutional thinking in the medical field but also the ever-increasing political pressure that is infiltrating the system. That’s not an easy place to be. Do you have any regrets?
H: I mean, if you talk to anybody who didn’t get vaccinated, nobody’s ever going to say, “You know what, I think I’m going to get vaccinated.” I regret maybe not picking up and moving, but I don’t regret it at all. My mom’s still here, so that keeps me in the city, but I could go work in other provinces.
J: Lastly, now that you’re not practicing nursing at the hospital specifically, how are you practicing wellness and care now? How is that showing up in your life or how are you shifting your career?
H: I just keep applying and getting jobs. I was negotiating a contract again today. I’m doing jobs that I can, that are in the private sector that aren’t under the public health order [PHO]. Anything in the private sector like private clinics, it’s up to them if they want to mandate. The topic of vaccines just doesn’t come up. Or, for example, when it comes to naturopaths, they are very aware of vaccine injuries so it does come up but it’s not about my job.
Whereas institutional, long-term care and government type of jobs, like hospitals, are all a part of the health authorities, so they are under the PHO. Long-term care specifically, those kinds of facilities are under the order, even if they’re private, including community care. Although, it looks like by their ads that they would try to consider an exemption for you because they’re desperate for workers.
I’ve had lots of interviews and lots of opportunities coming up, but like all of them pay, $10 – $20 less than what I was making. Excluding pension, excluding benefits, excluding vacation pay, all those things. I’m making way less than what I would be making in the hospital.
Hopefully, the private sector isn’t included in Bill 36. If you’ve looked into it, embedded into it is vaccinations and they can decide what vaccinations you need to keep your license so it won’t be a public health order any more. It will be part of the health care act. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to renew my license after June. We don’t know, like all of us nurses, who still have our licenses in B.C., who lost our jobs. If that comes into play, then I’m going to have to fully shift, what I’m doing. I will lose all of my jobs.
I’m hearing a lot of professionals that are leaving Canada. I would leave town too, but like I said, I’m already so connected with my mum who lives here. I can’t leave her. So I don’t know.
-Jessica Girard